satans-advocate:

sext: i want to pay bills and share household duties and approach our late 20’s in a financially and emotionally stable way with you

(via supermoo23)

trillow:

[police officer] “sir are you in possession of any illegal drugs”

“sure thing son whatchu need”

(via supermoo23)

Am I opening the tent or unzipping long pants?

I hope schizophrenics are this happy.

Everyone here has a story about their notdad.

Going camping on an island, it’s probably going to rain…at least my phone is waterproof.

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